Together We Can Do Anything

“Some think of happiness as a glamorous life of ease, luxury & constant thrills; but true marriage is based on a happiness which is more than that, one which comes from giving, serving, sharing, sacrificing and selflessness”

                                                                                                -Spencer W. Kimball

            Once we were married, it didn’t take long till we could see the differences in the way that we were both raised. I was raised in a strong LDS family, where we went to church every Sunday and both of my parents had very active callings in our ward. My sister and I went to Seminary and always went to our Young Women’s activities and we were never allowed to do anything but church and family on Sunday. 

            My husband’s family are not members of the church. He was baptized when he was 17 years old and served a mission in San Juan, Puerto Rico. For him growing up, they played sports on Sunday’s and never went to church. We had some differences coming into our marriage. 

            We learned to sacrifice for each other because of our commitment to each other. When our kids were older, they played competitive club sports and I was against them playing on Sunday, but my husband wasn’t. He felt that if we went to church we should be able to go to the kid’s games. He said that he considered this to be ‘family’ time. We fought about it at first, and it was becoming a source of contention between us. I finally decided that I would support the kids playing on Sunday if we weren’t missing church. So I became their team manager and I am in charge of scheduling their games. So most season’s we only played a couple of Sundays, after church. The lesson I learned is we need to compromise and find a way to make things work. He felt strongly that watching your kids play their games was family time and I found a way that I could support him and be involved so we didn’t have to play too many Sundays.

Right now I can’t think of anything that I am withholding from my marriage. We have been through so many things, that we both feel like the only way we can do this journey on life is together. 

Friends Forever

Friendships are some of the most basic relationships we have in our lives. We start developing friendships when we are very young. We usually pick friends that we have things in common with, or have some of the same personality traits with. As we get older our friendships start to mean a little more. We start confiding in our friends and we learn what it means to trust and have loyalty to one another. Fast forward to my age, married for 26 years and mother of 5 kids, and my friendships are some of my most important relationships. I consider my friends to be my family that I picked out. 

So wouldn’t it make sense that we marry our best friend? Our spouse should be a friend that we want to journey through life with, to create a family with and to spend eternity with. One of the most important things that keeps a married couple together through good and bad times is friendship. Friendship is like the glue that will keep a couple together. 

Gottmon said, “When a couple have a strong friendship, they naturally become experts at sending each other repair attempts and at correctly reading those sent their way… The success or failure of a couple’s repair attempts is one of the primary factors in whether their marriage is likely to flourish or flounder. And again, what determines the success of their repair attempts is the strength of their marital friendship.”

As a married couple it is so important to make sure we are always working on our friendship, that way in times of a crisis we will be strong and it will help our marriages be successful.

Happy is the man who finds a true friend, and for happier is he who finds that true friend in his wife.’                                                  

                                                                                                -Franz Schubert

Excessive Individualism

“The family is the most important organization in time or in eternity. Our purpose in life is to create for ourselves eternal family units.”

-Joseph Fielding Smith

After doing my reading this week, I feel strongly to write about excessive individualism and how it is particularly detrimental to our society. When I think of excessive individualism, I think of a person that is strong and independent, which I believe are two very good traits, but I also think of someone who feels that they do not need anyone to make their life complete and somewhat self centered. We are seeing this more and more in our society today, and it is making a huge impact on the family.

When we talk about individualism, we need to make sure that we take note that individualism is not a bad thing and as a married couple we should respect one another’s individual identity because that is important. But when it gets to the point that we lose sight of the ties that bind us together as a family that is here it becomes destructive.

Satan’s plan is to destroy families and he is very good at his craft. As a family we need to feel that tie to one another and that we identify with our families. I have often compared families to team sports with my family. When you are on a team, every position is an important position, with specific responsibilities. You need a full team, playing together to be successful. The same is with a family. We each have specific responsibilities, and we all individually bring something to the family unit. If we were to just lose one member of our family, it would make a huge impact on all of us.

We need to stand strong together in our marriage and our families. We need to let one another know how important they are to us and that we value them and need them. We are here to help one another. Rex D. Pinegar said, “Individual burdens and concerns may be lightened by the power of a family unit in mutual love and support and in prayers of faith.”

Defenders of Marriage

When we talk about being ‘Defenders of Marriage’ I think of being ‘Disciples of Christ’. I think it is first important to understand what being a Disciple of Christ is. I love this message given by Sister Sheri L. Dew, “At the heart of becoming disciples is doingwhat we promise to do every time we partake of the sacrament - which is to “always remember” the Lord (see Moroni 4:3; 5:2). This means remembering Him when we choose what media we’re willing to expose our spirits to. It means remembering Him in how we spend our time and when choosing between a steady diet of pop culture or the Word of God. It means remembering Him in the middle of conflict or when temptation looms. It means remembering Him when critics attack His Church and mock truth. It means remembering that we have taken His name upon us. (Mosiah 5:7).”

We do live in very confusing times. Our youth seem to be experiencing pressure to identify who they are. By identifying they mean are you straight, gay, bi, etc. I have made it a point to talk to my girls at home and in Young Women’s class that the only thing they need to worry about identifying with is that they are Daughters of God. This is a great topic that leads right into talking about their Divine Nature.

Russell M. Nelson stated, “Social and political pressures to change marriage laws are resulting in practices contrary to God’s will regarding the eternal nature and purposes of marriage.” We need to stand strong and defend marriage and what it stands for. We need to protect the children and give then the chance to be able to have a mother and a father in their life. We all have different experiences and connections with those that are gay, and whatever that experience is we need to continue to defend marriage, but in a Christ like way. We should not be mean or hate and we need to choose our words carefully. We also need to remember that whatever choices people make, we need to love them, just as Christ does.

Divorce as a Last Resort

"Two individuals approaching the marriage altar must realize that to attain the happy marriage which they hope for they must know that marriage … means sacrifice, sharing, and even a reduction of some personal liberties. It means long, hard economizing. It means children who bring with them financial burdens, service burdens, care and worry burdens; but also it means the deepest and sweetest emotions of all.”

- President Spencer W. Kimball

Divorce is a very common occurrence today. We all know someone that has gone through a divorce, or that has been affected by one. Divorce not only affects the husband and wife but, also the kids. We are now noticing that people are waiting later to get married, are less likely to get married and cohabitation is on the rise. Marriage is being treated more as a disposable arrangement in society.

My parents set a great example of marriage to me growing up and were married for over 40 years. I myself have been married for 26 years. Marriage is not always easy, as a matter of fact marriage requires a lot of hard work, just like the quote from President Kimball states.

If someone were to ask me about the Church’s view on divorce, I would first explain that we believe that marriage is ordained of God. If we are contemplating divorce we are to seek counsel from our Bishop and try to work through our indifferences and try to save our marriage first. Elder Dallin H. Oaks stated, “Latter-day Saint spouses should do all within their power to preserve their marriages.” It requires a lot of forgiveness to get past one another’s faults and shortcomings, but if we can, and focus on the positive attributes of one another, it will strengthen our relationships with each another. If a marriage is falling apart due to abuse and infidelity, the church does support divorce.

Those that we know that have had the unfortunate experience of going through a divorce, we need to support them and their families. We need to help and assist however we can through ministering. In regards to children of divorce, there are a lot of opportunities that we can step in and help. What are some ways that we can support those that we know that have been through a divorce?